Finish this statement: “I am… ___.” If you’re anything like me, that was hard. I had a really hard time explaining who I was after a traumatic assault. I struggled significantly with lost identity. I described myself as “a shell of a person” who was somehow navigating the world.
Later, in my research, I discovered that I was NOT the only one. Did you know that a potential symptom of trauma is not knowing who you are, where you fit in the world, or even feeling comfortable in your own skin? This is particularly true for emotional abuse survivors (more on that later).
This loss of sense of self may be because what you thought you knew, potentially who you trusted, was completely thrown out the window. Maybe survival mode is a scary place for you, one that you don’t want to claim as who you are but it feels like you now. (I’ll let you in on a secret, survival mode doesn’t define you).
Trauma symptoms overtake us, so much so that we relate them to who we now are. It’s not familiar, so we may lose our sense of self. Somehow, in the tornado of aftermath, we may lose our personality, our likes and dislikes, motivation, routine. It may feel like we’ve lost everything. But there is hope.
Years ago, my therapist asked me this question, “who are you?” I was so proud of myself and came up with a laundry list of things that I was. She shocked me and said that was who I was to others. She then asked me to come up with things that were not tied to anyone else or a role, and I had… nothing. Who I was internally felt like a betrayal, and I didn’t want to claim it. The road is hard, I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. But the most rewarding thing, in my opinion, is when you rediscover who you are again. Trauma took a lot from me, but I’ve begun to find my way back to me. There’s hope, you’re not alone. My therapist was my wake up call. Me feeling that way was a symptom or effect of something that happened to me. It was not me.
You are enough. Who you are is who you have always been. You may fit differently into some places now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a whole human being. I am sending so much love your way, survivors.